Hi Ceelan,
Thanks for sharing. I’m sorry you feel so confused about your partner’s addiction and your wish to get away.
If you would like to talk through your feelings please contact us at Icarus Trust as we are a charity that supports people dealing with addiction in their family. May be talking with one of our trained and experienced Family Friends will help to answer some of your questions and find a way forward.
You can contact Icarus Trust on help@icarustrust.org or visit our website http://www.icarustrust.org
All the best.