I understand your fear with the GP but honestly that’s not how they think about this stuff. You aren’t a bad mom for this and I know how well your kids are looked after and loved. The thing with pain meds is you can continue as normal and be a good worker, parent etc. That’s why we stay on them so long as it’s so easy to hide but I do appreciate your anxiety over it. However, just know if it you end up ever having to say this to your GP, you’ll be ok. I’m glad you have your sister to talk to though. Once you have someone, it’s helpful.
Have you considered just speaking to your GP about anxiety in general and getting something to help with that? I think everyone who gives these pills up ends up anxious and lacking motivation for awhile so it might help you to have meds for that while you withdraw.
I know you can do this. You have your plan made. Take the lowest amount as you say that you don’t feel terrible on. Stick to that until you feel ok on it and then gradually lower. If done like that you shouldn’t experience withdrawals too severe. I know how scary it is when you’re aware of how bad the withdrawals feel but take it slowly and you’ll get there.
I also know the feeling of wishing I was past those first few weeks. I thought I’d never do it. That first week felt like a lifetime. I’m no different to you I promise. I struggled. I was scared. I cried and I was anxious so don’t feel alone please.
You’ve got this. You want it so much and that’s the first step to doing it. You’ll get through this x