Hey Louise,
You’re very welcome and you’re not alone! it helps me so much coming on here so anytime you want to chat i check in daily. I know all too well the cycle of them leaving promises the love bombing etc you miss them and let them home but deep down in your gut you know its not right neither is it helping but you dont know what else to do.
Thats good your not actively enabling although the cycle is enabling if that makes sense. i totally get that you do get so angry at times it often falls on deaf ears though or they get defensive, so your not achieving much.
So sorry to hear the doctors weren’t much help, they should of offered him advice on where to get help for the addiction and suggest he stops and sees how hes depression is then and review it then as nothing will change in 3 months unless hes stops. Its a tough one because some people do use because they feel depressed to numb it and that drug is the worse for depression as you know. He wont get the help or answers from that until he stops unfortunately or speaks to a therapist to get to the bottom of it.
Sorry to hear that you cant just leave, its good he still has a job but it wont be long before that may be affected and you may have to look for financial support elsewhere. Its so tough if you need support to deal with living with an addict and detaching alanon is good i haven’t used it myself but its brilliant for people who cant just leave be it because of financial or if its your child suffering with addiction.
After a few times of him just disappearing when he either went to work or didnt go and went on a binge or he would go shopping drop food off on the doorstep and text to say hes messed up again he would then ignore my calls and left me heavily pregnant with 3 other children, racked with worry and anxiety i had enough asked him to leave that was last may he still lives with hes mum as not much as changed its got worse unfortunately. Were also not together.
I had to leave mainly for my mental health, it scared me how out of control i felt with worry and anxiety and nobody is worth my peace of mind. I felt guilty for this an wished i was stronger to help him but came to realise either way i couldnt help.
I cope by keeping busy, sorting areas of my life out that i can change or improve. 4 kids keep me very busy thats for sure. Im discovering myself and my strengths again also reading massively helps take me out of my head for a bit or reading up on addiction as it does comfort me at times as strange as that sounds its my mind making sense of it all i think.
xxx