Hi River, hope you’re okay. There’s alot more that I’d be interested to ask so I could better answer your question if that’s okay? Mainly if you could give general understanding of general life for you and your partner. How long have you been married or together, do you have children, do you both work? More importantly, has there been any negative impacts that now are obviously due to his using for example financial issues, more frequently arguing, is he dissappearing sometimes so he can use etc. You may not realise if you haven’t really spoken to him yet just how broadly life and relationships are affected if one of you are addicted to something.
As a general response to your post coming from perspective of a recovering cocaine addict who’s addiction caused my partner an unmeasured amount of pain I’ll try give you an insight.
No one ever intentionally set out to be an addict, or intentionally wants to ruin relationships or hurt people but when you find yourself one of the unfortunate ones who’s being gripped, you end up living almost a double life or with 2 versions of yourself. The science behind it has proven that a cocaine addicts brain is basically rewired to justify to themselves the reason they use. Even though its having a negative effect on their life, their addiction will genuinely make them believe that everyone else is to blame because otherwise surely they would just stop right?
I could go further into this if you like but for now I’m going to guess that your partner is in the stage where he is still gripped and when you have found out, the natural defence would be as he has done, blame you, be aggressive, say hurtful nasty things because he is not in control of his brain, I can promise you, the things he has said he deep down probably doesn’t mean but him saying he can’t wait for you to leave is because the addict in him just wants to be left alone, unchallenged so he can continue in his addiction without anyone getting in the way.
I’d also bet that deep down, the part of him that is still the man you first met wants nothing more than to get help and get clean but when addiction has a grip on you it is so hard to find strength to put recovery into action.
I posted yesterday some links to a YouTube video that I feel you would realy benifit from watching to understand addiction a little better.
Im on here most days so please ask me anything you want to know and I’ll do my best to try help in anyway way I can
Stay strong and look after yourself first before anything