Im thinking about the councelling..im a Health Service Executive office worker, its the Irish version of the health board, and there is free counselling for a total of 5 sessions i think with a HSE therapist. Youre right about the mornings, i need to find something better to motivate me and just replace my unhealthy routine. It should focus more on health and wellbeing, like the music in the kitchen or exercise. Its gotten so ridiculous for me, i just care about using first thing, i get coffee later at work and plenty of times i leave the house without breakfast. Then when i get a cramp or feel a little nauseous, i know its the pills and its only then that i think of the harm they are probably doing, and i get scared. But once that fear goes away and i feel ok, im back to not thinking about it and using again straight after work. Ive stopped short of using at work; there have been only a few occasions where I’ve brought them in but apart from the nurofen plus, its not as easy to take effervescent Solpadine’s inconspicuously. I just want to feel stronger and that ive achieved this great thing; to quit using. When i quit last year i remember feeling proud of myself. Then making this conscious decision to just go back on them, it was the worst mistake. I fooled myself by giving myself terms and conditions; i wouldn’t use every day, id only use once a day, the packets would have to last three weeks or that was it; i had to quit again. I actually fooled myself into thinking i could stick to that. Such bs..went back on them and was worse than ever, using everyday, addicted again, packets not even lasting a week. Anyway..i will do it, and this time i hope to never look back..thanks for your support RachBN 🙂
