Hi mate, that’s a very hard question to answer. Because it’s both true to say I wanted to quit for years more than I wanted anything else but at the same time. I didn’t want to quit at all.
It all comes down to the split or. Dual personality an addict develops.
The addict in me wanted to just carry on as long as I was just getting by but the honest me knew I could have such a better life without it. The money I was spending the hurt I was causing the lack of sleep the knock on effect to my career etc.
I guess if I’m completely 100 honest I got the to the point where I lost so much I had nothing left to lose and the consequences outweighed the desire to carry on doing it enough for me to finally find the strength.
I must point out though I’m not cured. I’m recovering, I haven’t touched it for a while now and I have no intention too but I will still struggle with this battle daily for a long time.
I’m sorry that was a very brief reply but I will come back to you in more detail if you want me to tomorrow.
Hope you’re well,
James x