Hello Emjay,
Thanyou so much for taking the time to read my post and respond.
I read and re-read your story last night and was shocked with how much my story mirrors yours! Can I just I think you are so brave the way you continue to carry on and fight for your normal life. I can’t imagine how hard it must be living in a foreign country and deal with everything your loved one has put you through.
Your post has given me such hope that it is possible to break away from your loved one and get grips on your life.
I’ve sat here reading peoples experiences and desperately try and find happy endings but they are few and far between and sadly relapse is so common. I’m still with my husband but slowly I can feel myself emotionally detaching myself from him. Like I’m preparing for the next bender. I used to cry and worry when he was missing but now I just feel angry! My first thought used to be had he had a accident or something but now I’m like here we go again. And although full of rage and anger I just get on with my evening.
The thought of leaving is scary because right now we have a picture perfect life. From the outside we look like a happy couple with a beautiful family, home and cars as shallow as that sounds. When I leave the reality is I will have to move into a council house and leave my beautiful life behind. Although I do know in the long run I will have my sanity and happiness. Also my childrens happiness. I know all of this affects them and like you say when it starts taking it’s toll on your mental health it takes it’s toll on your day to day life. Some days I struggle to get out just to walk the dog and want to sit in my house in my pjs. Like someone had sucked the life out of me. Being an addicts spouse is just consuming and heart breaking. I wouldn’t wish it on my worst enemy.
Currently waiting for the next slip up and know if it’ll happen it’s only a matter of weeks.
How is your situation now? Are you still no contact apart from him being a dad. Does he realise it’s him with the problem or is he still in denial.
Sending you love & Thankyou again for sharing your story xx