Good morning LouiseH,
I feel like I’m reading my life! We, too, had the picture-perfect life. Excellent wages, beautiful home, cars. Everyone, including family, thinking it was a perfect life. My children were privileged in so many ways, but all this meant zero to them.
They asked me why it took so long to not let their father back ( we are looking at kids under 12 here) I explained I didn’t want them to not have everything.
My daughter says it’s worth more than anything to have me back, happier, not crying or stressing. Also to not be made to lie for her Father.This breaks my heart.
The impact on them also is far more than I thought.
My now 6-year-old son doesn’t even bother to get ready to see his Dad. If and when he turns up, he goes with him. He tells me it’s because he always forgets. It’s a surprise if he remembers.
I am embracing the beautiful country we live in. My children now go to local schools and speak the language fluently. They are much happier. They have friends over, and no one’s frightened of an under the influence Dad rocking up.
Financially, I am careful. Yes, things have changed. My kids no longer attend international school, but they now tell me they hated it and alot of their extra curriculum activities!!! They love being free to communicate with their new friends and be part of the city we live in.
He does not help. We still have a home, car, eat well. But, reality is no money or possession is worth the emotional abuse of living with an active additct for me.
My husband is just a Dad (when he manages to be); we are civil.
I do not entertain his pity party, excuses, or ask any questions.
It’s a huge decision, and hopefully, your loved one, will make a change to keep his family. Please remember this is his addiction and you can not fix him! Also, always remember, everyone’s breaking point is different and how you deal with it is the best way for you.
I would never say to anyone, Leave!! because it’s not that simple. Just always put you and your children first. He is a grown man and needs to take responsibility for himself.
Take care; I pray it changes for you. Hope to speak soon xx