Hi completely understand all you have written, maybe you could look at other options for childcare are they entitled to nursery hours, will they be going to school in September and after school clubs may be available. It is sad when you can’t rely on someone but you’ve got to make it work on your own, in this situation. It took me a long time to speak to my sister I was so scared to tell her but I think she had guessed something was up and it was just a case of resolving the mystery for her when I told her what his problem was, as your family and friends will have noticed things they just won’t know the cause of them.it was a relief for me when I told her and I don’t worry about what she will think as it’s me who has to live this life not her and to be honest I’m much more concerned what’s going on than what a person thinks of the situation or of him, it feels better to be able to talk to someone else about it.
If you don’t want to end the relationship then you need to do everything else you can do to protect you and your child’s safety and finances. I also think when you say when it’s good it’s good that it’s not true as it’s always a case of worrying sick when/if they will do it again which taints anything nice.