Blame. It’s interesting isn’t it ? The first few times I experienced these benders, of which at the time I didn’t know they were benders, suddenly this lovely man I had met turned on me. Disappeared in his car over a petty issue to the sisters leaving me in floods of tears, texting him I was sorry and begging him to come back. Vile messages, blame all on me is what I got back. I left him to it thinking I’d lost him then a month or two later he would pop up saying he wasn’t right at the time due to ex withholding the kids etc , didn’t mean any of it and loved me. As the years went on we went on holidays of which looking back I always ended up in tears. All inclusive clearly wasn’t good for an alcoholic then expect them to hold it together for a week. Then the huge incidents started, I’d realised by this point drink was a huge issue so the cat and mouse started. I’d question him, he would flip then a huge incident. Police found him asleep in a nearby field. Came to my house to see if I was ok a “welfare visit” as he had told them we had an argument. The drink driving one was a huge incident, he left my house off his head to drive to his sisters in the next town. I begged him not to drive. An few hour later the police knocked on my door, would you believe he had actually rang them and told them he had to leave my house and was currently driving drunk because I tried to poison him and he needed to flee me. Needless to say they had stopped him, dragged him out of the car, he was carrying on so they in his words “gave him a kicking” which I hope they did and he spent the night sobering up in the cells. He went back to his sisters, the leach, then we had lock down and I didn’t hear from him for a good 5 month. When he got in touch I supported him into rehab and then had him back. 18 months later we’re back to square one. The blame is always there to blame someone else for their actions. It was my fault he drove drunk as I tried to poison him, then the polices fault he was arrested because he defending himself against them. It’s not and never is their fault. Their brains convince them everyone else is to blame to justify their actions. The leaches agree with them for their own gains.
Blame can also be felt by us, somewhere in the mist of my 4 years a number of times I felt I have been to blame for his relapses. Had I not told him to leave when I knew he had had a drink he wouldn’t have been found in a field by the police, I felt it was my fault. I was to blame and caused these big issues. Had I not told him on the phone to not come back here 4 weeks ago today when I could tell he had had a drink he wouldn’t have gone to his sisters and we now be in this position. I actually now know I’m not to blame. I’m actually free of him, until he comes back crawling, but as Iv said before I will just ignore any attempt to contact me as I fear I would feel sorry for him and cave. I need my life back this time and not have him as a mill stone round my neck.
As we’ve all said we need to put ourselves first and we are no way to blame for their addictions ????