Hi new friends
How are you all today? It’s hard for me to get on here and write as have to do it in secret.
Purpleheart – yes, unfortunately I don’t think there is a high chance of his redemption. I don’t mean this badly but I think the fact he has already struggled with gambling and drinking add weight to this… it shows he has an addictive personality.
My one (I don’t even want to use the term partner as he is not living in any kind of partnership with me) is the same. He has had a gambling addiction decades ago, which he beat… sex addiction (IMO) that he beat, and has been a binge drinker who at one point was drinking daily and then bingeing on the weekend and now the drug addiction…. he admits he has an addictive personality. I feel as if he replaced one thing with another!
I’m really impressed that you were able to tell his parents. That’s major. Does he know you’ve told them? Do they have any idea of how you all might help him?
My one blames everyone else for his usage. Usually it is my fault he is using. In fact apparently I’m 90% the cause of all his problems. Part of me wants to laugh as if that was the case surely he’d have had a successful life prior to me… never taken drugs before, not been a big drinker or smoker etc. He’s the one who did all those things and lived, I now know, a chaotic life. Everything negative in his life is always someone else’s fault.
I was living a quiet, stable, peaceful life before him… I crave that life again. I’m literally aching to have thsy life and to be able to provide it to our child. They deserve so much better.
Mammy – I agree with others, if he is now getting threats then he is in really deep. I didn’t know this but a couple of years ago at the beginning of all this, my one was owing… he owed like some hundreds to different dealers and I didn’t know this and gave him money for something else (a theme) and he used it to pay them off behind my back. I only found out later. He didn’t get any threats, so if your husband is getting threats then I have a feeling he owes a significant amount.
You could go to the police and ask for protection for you and the children, if necessary. They can safeguard your home – I have this (more on that later) so they put a marker on the address and yoir phone number and if you call 999 it gives them all the details/makes you a priority. Also have you made your council aware?
I’m sorry to hear that your child has severe disability. That must make things a lot harder.
Me:
I am disabled due to chronic health issue so it makes it difficult to navigate some of this stuff… I feel as if it’s taking all my strength not to fall apart. Not that anybody needs this type of trouble but I really didn’t need this situation… life was already hard enough. It makes me so sad that I found someone who turned out to be a real wrongun.
I have told my SIL because it was pretty obvious something was up due to his choice to do it while she was in our home. It was really hard as if he finds out he would go absolutely nuts. I needed to tell her because I cannot shoulder this burden totally and especially not if I am leaving at some point.
She cannot intervene because doing so would expose that I’d told her. She really wants him to go to rehab.
His MH is appalling at the moment. I went to the doctor yesterday and the doctor is aware something is not right as he’s already under him for MH issues and he could tell that it’s worsened since he last spoke to him – although he knows nothing of the drugs.
I can’t remember if I said but my one lost his job because of drugs. He was unable to function and be reliable… missed work one too many time and boom… job gone.
Talking about the safeguarding… he had a friendship with a guy he met who was also a user… snorting not smoking. Anyway, the guy employed him to do some work in his business, which my one did, and then the guy didn’t pay him when agreed… then he withheld money (according to my one) and so they fell out. My one falls out with people in spectacular style. I mean full on beef, arguments, abusive messages etc… he’s extremely volatile.
So he was leaving all these messages for the guy, accusing him of stuff and in the end the guy messaged me basically saying he had paid my one in a mixture of the money owed and in drugs and didn’t owe him anymore money.
I actually believe this guy. Anyway, the guy called me on my phone and now for various reasons I have safeguarding on my home and phone because I had to report him to the police.
My one seems to either have forgotten that he was paid partly in drugs or is under some other belief about the arrangement as he is adamant he is owed more money. So he wants to pursue this to get the rest he thinks he’s owed. I can only see this ending badly for him.
I was looking up free rehabs. I found a Christian one. I would love him to go. I just have no idea how I’d broach the subject. I think I could only do it if he brought it up and I was somewhere else so we were talking remotely to each other.
He reckons he is going to quit as the money has run out. The money ran out ages ago… he’s been using family money to fund it. I’ll believe it when I see it. Even if he temporarily stops, I feel that as soon as he has funds it will restart.