Hey Billy,
I am not the best at giving advice, but I just wanted to let you know that you are not alone in how you feel and what your going through.
My dad has been drinking ever since I can remember and it’s really tough because although my dad is here, it feels like I have lost him to the alcohol. So I completely understand when you say that you just want your dad back. I have always felt like alcohol is my dads main priority and it’s the thing he thinks about as soon as he wakes up, until the minute he goes to bed. It truly feels like he chooses the alcohol over me. But the thing is (like you said), if I were to tell him how I feel he wouldn’t even remember the next day anyway which just leaves me feeling hopeless. It’s just so sad because he doesn’t see the effect that the alcohol is having on the people around him. For me, I think that’s what hurts the most, because he is either choosing to ignore the damage he is causing to the people around him or is just completely oblivious and in his own world (because of the alcohol).
It’s just such a hard topic to talk about as it seems like no one will ever understand.