oh gosh x
i can’t tell you what to do but i can tell you that i know how powerless and horrible and broken you must be feeling.
do you have a friend or family member you can turn to as this position is very isolating and you need some real time support right now?
remember you are not the cause of this, he has made a few bad decisions and now is completely snared in the addiction.
you also can’t free him of it – he has to admit that he has a problem and want to get clean.
this can be a long and difficult road for all involved.
i never loved anyone the way i loved my husband, and i never felt anyone loved me the way he used to either.
thinking of separating was like being punched in the chest, especially with kids involved.
however when he was on the drugs i almost felt like we despised eachother.
mine is now clean for 13 months, he tells me active addiction was absolute hell and i believe him, at the time he told himself he was doing no harm and it was just normal, with the clarity he now has he can see the terrible harm. he almost died on it alone downstairs and still carried on – justifying it all the way.
mine was on it for 2.5 years and only he knew this.
it all came out one day and he had a simple crossroads – get clean or lose everyone and everything. he made the right choice but not everyone does. if he goes back to it I’m taking the kids and going. no third chances.
i hope it never comes to that but im always on guard.
xx