Makes sense.
I think it makes the addict really selfish as it seems to drive the ego to the forefront. Plus, addiction in general makes people selfish because life becomes all about getting their next fix (eventually) at any cost.
I’m sorry that he treating you like that and that you are sick. To be honest, due to my experience with mine, I’d be inclined to say don’t make any special or extra effort for him if he is not willing to do it for you. It will just make you feel like a doormat at some point.
I remember a few years ago I made effort for mine and it was so lost and I just felt like a fool. It was his birthday, so the day before I got our baby and travelled by train to the nearest big town to buy him a birthday cake, a card and some deocrations etc. I didn’t have the money for a present as he had spent the money on gear, alcohol and cigarettes.
My family were coming the next day to celebrate with him and light and share the cake. So what did he do? He went on an all night bender… they turned up the next day to him lying on the bed half off his head and half coming down… he had go put sunglasses on indoors to cope and I had to peel him off the bed and force him to sit at the table whilst they face him his presents and cards and we lit HIS cake and sang him Happy Birthday.
Since then, I’ve not bothered with his birthday. I don’t see the point. I’ll give him a card and that’s about it.
The addiction destroys your relationship because it removes all connection, all intimacy and love… it becomes like being with a roommate or friend… obligation and existence, well that’s my experience anyway.
Stay strong!