Hi all… thanks for asking after me Mammy.
I wrote a massive reply and then it said there was a bad word in it – which there was not and never posted it! I’ll try again.
Things have not been good since I last posted. He has continued to act incredibly irrationally, delusional, paranoid, aggressive etc. He has been awful towards me.
I came away to family for a few days and he has not used, as far as I know, since Saturday or Sunday as he didn’t have any money. Well, we have no money. He has been better towards me since I left, although I don’t expect this to continue on my return. It never lasts.
He has acknowledged how his paranoid behaviour is impacting me and our child but he hasn’t stopped… I mean he still believes that people are spying on him and after him and monitoring etc.
He has apparently been ridding the property of his paraphernalia and vacuuming throughly while I’m gone… so at least I can work with that when I get back as the place needs a good spring clean and he wouldn’t let me touch it as I might disturb some secret stash he’d forgotten about etc.
His family came to visit before I left and he even lied to me in front of them so that he could get money off me and procure drugs… while they were waiting for him! Then he was waiting for them to leave so he could use. So messed up.
I found out 2 household bills, that he told me had been paid, are outstanding. He believes his own lies so he truly believed he had paid them and didn’t question why there was more money in his account… spent it on stuff obviously. So now they can’t be paid.
I have turned to a friend for some support as her husband was an addict of 20 years (same substance). He did 2 stints in rehabilitation to no avail before finally quitting for good after becoming a Christian. He now keeps busy working in the church.
It was interesting hearing his story. I do feel with my one that if he were ever to successfully quit he’d need to replace it with something else whether religion or the gym or something else.
He still hasn’t spoken to his doctor when he said he would. I’ve broached the idea of rehab or CA but he’s rejected both.
I managed to bid on a property again but didn’t get it. So I’ll be bidding again if there’s anything remotely suitable. I feel as if my life is on hold until I can move but as if I am also living a lie because I’m trying to pretend to most people that this isn’t happening. It feels horrible. Most people just think he has terrible MH crises/issues.
How are you both doing? Thinking of you.