I honestly think with mine he’ll either manage to find it within himself to quit somehow (regardless of me or our relationship etc) or he’ll end up dead or in prison within a few years. It sounds terrible but part of me doesn’t even care anymore… though I do as that’s my child’s father. I’ve just had enough of it!
I did speak to the council and explain how bad things were from a domestic perspective (didn’t mention the drugs). I’m scared of SS involvement as already had them sniffing round numerous times due to his MH and a couple of anonymous reports (I actually think the anonymous ones were by disgruntled addicts he’s fell out with… they’ve all already had their kids removed!).
So anyway, the council told me I had 2 options: 1. Call a local DV charity (this would doubtless escalate things when they started their list of questions) for support and they’d write to the council to do weight to my need to move or 2. Speak to the police and ask them to do a risk assessment (which would also escalate things). I haven’t been able to bring myself to do either of these.
I’ve been trying to keep it amicable as in… he’s agreed to me leaving and taking our child with me. He wouldn’t agree before… it would have ended up in a long drawn-out court battle with an irrational person whose brain is warped…. I’d do anything to avoid that!
It’s good news about your council being so supportive. I hope you can stay put. It sounds a lot easier for you if you can. Moving is horrendous and when you have disability to factor in, it’s even more of a strain.
I’m the same in approaching every day, hour, minute in small increments. I’m praying a lot these days. I feel as if I need to lean on ‘something’ or some kind of hope to get through. It seems to work in the main.
You are right… the person has to be at the right point to want to access any available help. Mine is not there. I see glimpses of it and then poof it’s gone. I think he struggles a lot with the shame side of it… hence not wanting to attend local CA meetings and not being able to tell the doctor about it yet. I also think that, unlike some people, who are very influenced by their partner giving them an ultimatum or whatever, mine isn’t like that.
Even if he did quit, I could never get over what’s happened and how he’s treated me. So as far as I am concerned, I could never live with him again.