Hi James,
Thank you so much for your reply.
You see, i used to dabble in it myself as a teen and early 20’s so i actually can relate to it more than a person who has never touched it, so i think my frustration is fearing he will never “grow out of it”. I’m 32 now, i have a child (previous relationship) so for me, cutting it out was a no brainer.
He has a 14 year old from a previous relationship but only has him over night once a week so the level of responsibility he has as a parent wouldn’t be like mine..
He does have a job, and a great relationship with his son so like you said, if the cocaine isn’t causing “problems” with those two things, he doesn’t see it as a “problem”.
His circle of friends do the same thing. A drink will always involve cocaine. However, they seem to be able to stop when the social gathering is over, go home, go to bed, continue normal life the next day. Although i don’t condone what they do either (also parents), my main problem is that my boyfriend would rather sit by himself and take cocaine all night alone. There is no off switch. He will take it untill the bag is done. Alone until 7am/8am. I don’t see how this can even be fun? Like i said, i understand “recreational” drug use from my youth…
He is a lovely person. He treats me so well. When he is sober, he is a caring, generous and respectful man. But when i challenge him about this particular aspect of our relationship, he will say he doesn’t understand why it bothers me.. my concern is that I don’t know how we could ever live together (my child lives with me full time) if he does that on a weekly basis. He prefers to do it in his house alone and not socially.. how could i ever be ok with that happening in OUR home with children living there? He thinks i over think and worry too much… but i think they are legitimate concerns looking forward.. even when we socialise (dinner and drinks) , he cant seem to just have a few drinks and call it quits… drink leads to cocaine.. i had hoped this would be something he would grow out of. It doesn’t look like that will happen.. he has openly said that he wants a future with me (marriage, buying a house together, potentially another baby together) but i don’t see any of that happening while he still has this habit. And yes he is open about the cocaine, but i have also been open about the fact i don’t see our future together while he has this habit.. we go round in circles with it. Sometimes i feel that the only thing i can do is walk away… we argue and then make up 24 hours later. So if i stay, he will think i will accept it eventually and nothing has to change?