Wow okay, thank you for all of that. And realistically I sounds like there’s nothing I can tell you that you don’t already know so I guess this actually becomes a much simpler issue.
2 people in a relationship, one of them does something the other has an issue with. You talk about it but nothing changes.
Everyone knows relationships are built around a very few key but very important factors. Compromise is one of them. Now I’m not saying be okay with his usage. But your relationship and life is none of my business however, your happiness and your families happiness has to be your priority.
If you was to talk to him, say all the things your just said about not wanting it in the house with your child etc and say look, you clearly don’t want to stop, I can’t have it in our house, but if you can go out like your friends, do a little bit and come home then that’s a compromise.
The fact he currently lives alone with no responsibility is more than likely why he goes on all night. He has no reason to stop and as you know if you say you’ve dabbled before. Once you start you really don’t want to stop until you have to.
In regards to understanding him doing it alone. It’s a strange one. Cocaine can take you to different places depending on when are where you take it. For example, I’d do it out with friends and have a great night and talk rubbish all night with everyone. But then I too would sit alone and do it. It alone doesn’t so much give you the buzz but it can make you more open with yourself emotionally. I play guitar and write music, and some nights I would sit alone, get on the gear and was able to write so many songs that sober I wouldn’t have. Other nights I’d sit and watch oasis live at knebworth on YouTube 3 or 4 times over and because I was on it, I just felt a more emotional enjoyment.
But getting back to the real issue is this. Even if it wasn’t cocaine. It was something else, like he spent all his money on fancy clothes. You would say to him, “look before we commit to the next stage I want you to stop spending so much on clothes” and he wouldn’t be wrong to have things he would ask you to address before committing to living together and moving forward in your relationship. And you both have to come to a compromise that works or it isn’t fair on either of you.
The worst thing you can do, is move in, he continues to stay up that one night a week doing it and it becomes a much bigger problem.
It needs to be made clear, that changes or your future together won’t work. Stand your ground with this though and offer the compromise as to him only doing it away from the house with friends and if that is something that works then that’s great.
If he cares for you then he will be willing to compromise. It’s not asking him to fully stop it’s asking him to compromise.
I hope that helps in some way and let me know if you wanna talk more.
All the best
James x