Thank you so much for your reply James. I really appreciate your insight into it, especially as it sounds like you can (or could) relate to what he does with doing it alone.. you say you’re 30 now? What made you want to stop? I know quite alot of people who got to that point where they thought, there is more to life than this feeling (especially the recovery as you get older) and they want to stop… but hes now 36 and he seems to want to continue this forever. I have so many worries and concerns for the future and my worry would be that it just wont stop, ever. Like you suggested, I have tried compromise.. as i mentioned, i have a child so I dont get alot of free time.. (one weeknight without my child and a night at the weekend) i first asked him to stop doing it around me.. our free time together is precious so to me it was slightly offensive that he wanted to sit up all night taking cocaine (different wavelengths, not quality time). Although this seems minor and perhaps even petty, as i’m in my 30s now i feel like that wasn’t a big ask. Since then he has made promises and slipped back into doing it anyway which has resulted in me leaving his house a few times to get away from that atmosphere (he just continues on the coke). He has also ruined a few special occasions because of it. He sat up all night taking cocaine the night before my neices christening (he didnt make it as he was still off his face when i was getting ready for the church), and our anniversary we went to a hotel, and knowing my issue with it, he brought cocaine. I was trying to sleep but he was sitting in the room taking cocaine… these are just a couple of events..and fairly recent.. the arguing results in him calling me controlling which is unfair because honestly, if it was just when he was out with his friends, i would have no issue with him socialising. I wish he would be more sociable. When hes with his friends, he actually tends to leave the social gathering so that he can go home and take cocaine by himself.. he already has damaged the septum in his nose and i can see that it’s affecting his health (constant colds, stys in his eyes etc). Is it that i have just grown up quicker? I didnt care about those things as a teen but now im 32, and hes 36. It’s not a sociable, recreational thing…like i mentioned before i dont see how it could even be enjoyable. it makes him overthink, causes him to be paranoid and he is irritable and and in a bad mood the next day. we aren’t speaking at the moment because he says i am impossible to please and its not like he “takes it every day”. Sorry i feel like i’m going on and on.. it’s nice to be able to speak to somebody so honestly about this because i can’t speak to friends or family
