Hi mate I hope you’re okay,
I’m going to respond to this because I feel like the question you’re asking is a quite a hard on to answer and I know how hard it is to reach out and I wouldn’t want your questions going unanswered.
That’s a tough one because I can only go from my personal experiences.
When I was using, if I’m honest I always knew I was at fault and to blame but I would still when confronted blame everyone else but myself. I hid my drug addiction itself but when my partner would confront me for why I was “working” so much (I wasn’t as work of be in my van sat doing drugs alone) I would say she’s wrong for questioning me when I’m out working all hours trying to make a better life for us.
When I’ve been in recovery and been able to think with a clearer head. I’ve opened up and been more honest with people about what was really going on.
In regards to wether addicts blame themselves for their addiction or if they see themselves as victims….
Of course I blame myself, as much as it is an illness, I could have taken steps to resolve my issues much earlier. But equally there is an element of understanding I wasn’t in my right mind and the addiction took a hold of me.
I think any recovering addict would agree there is a werid mix of self accountability to a point but then the addiction takes over. I certainly carry alot of guilt over my addiction and things it made me do but also I do want people to understand that I was suffering from an illness in that part of my life and that person who did certain things wasn’t “me”
I hope that makes some sort of sense to you x