Hi mate, just reading that I know exactly everything you’re talking about and I’m sorry you’re going through this. Let me start by saying though I’m by no means a bright knight. The only reason I’m able to be so honest with people like you is because I was once the ars****** partner. Don’t get my wrong there’s more to my story, in many ways I was in an abusive relationship, I was the one being controllerd and as I’ve mentioned before I fell into my addiction when trying to cope with the loss of my parents while still being heavily relied on to support everyone around me emotionally and financially.
But to get back to it, the missing social events. Unfortunately, what ever is happening the next day, will not play any part in an addicts mind. You for example may say, oh I won’t drink tonight because I have to be up and out at 8am tomorrow. Where as an addict will tell themselves “it will be fine, I’ll go bed at midnight” but that never happens. It’s all part of how cocaine rewires your brain and takes over the way you think about things. I wish I could tell you the amount of times I’d do the same.
For example, booked tickets to a festival. Looked forward to it for months. The night before go and get a large amount of gear for the festival. Then sit up all night doing the gear, then have no sleep, feel like death and frantically try to find more the morning of the festival and end up having a rubbish time because I’m so tired.
I never set out to do that but inevitably it happens.
As far as him kicking off saying you’re controlling. That’s simply because he feels as a man he should be able to do what ever he likes and you trying to stop him doing something he wants to do to him means you’re the problem. He would rather be left alone to crack on which is sad because the truth is right now he probably needs love and affection in his life more than ever.
There’s a saying you cant help someone until they are willing to accept help and want to change.
That couldn’t be more true.
If your partner doesn’t want to stop or he doesn’t see anything wrong in his behaviour then I’m sorry to say he won’t change any time soon. Sometimes the ultimatum of stop or I leave is enough but in other cases an addict will rather lose everything around them before they lose their vice.
My advise to you, is safeguard yourself. Put yourself and your children first. As hard as that may be. If it means walking away then that’s maybe the best thing to do. If he cares for you he will realise what he lost and change his ways
Drug addicts aren’t all bad people but we struggle to feel emotion and it sadly takes in most cases the realisation of losing everything to finally change.
I hope you’re alright and stay strong x