Hey mammy and ladies
So because of the unpaid bills, our phones got cut off. So I am able to use WiFi but not my mobile. So frustrating.
He didn’t use for a bit as no money and it was horrendous. He was so volatile and I was being abused right, left and centre.
He actually shut me out of the house over something completely trivial. It’s not the first time he’s done this. This time, I had to go and stay at my neighbour’s for a bit until he eventually let me back in. If it happens again, I will leave and not bother trying to get back in. I will have to go into a refuge or ask the council for emergency accommodation.
He knew when I’d get paid and 4 days before that day he asked me for money. I reminded him I don’t have any and wouldn’t until pay day. He then went out and got stuff from someone saying he’d pay them back when I got paid! So my pay day comes and he demands the money to pay the dealer back. I gave it to him as too scared not to. Since then he’s taken 2 more lots of money claiming he’s going to pay all 3 lots back when he gets money this week from a family member. I’m still incredulous about it and so angry inside.
Anyway, then he sent me a message about crack addiction and he was talking to me for about an hour in person about how he wants to quit but knows he can’t just go cold turkey. He said there are triggers literally everywhere. He basically said he can’t just stop…. I think he’s tried or the lack of money has been the same as trying because he’s been withthout it and realises that he can’t cope/can’t do it.
During this conversation, to my horror, he told me that he had an issue with crack about 10 years ago! This is the first time I’ve ever heard about him having basically been a crack addict. Turns out that he lived in the same block as a crack dealer and basically got hooked, going from once a week to a couple of whatever the units of crack are a day (spending like well over 500 a week!!!). He even ended up selling prized possessions to fund it before basically moving to the other end of the country and in doing so getting clean.
I am so horrified by this news that I’m still not processing it. If I had known this when I first got to know him, I would have run for the hills! I would have definitely got out earlier on… as soon as I saw him using.
So during the conversation, I mentioned going into rehab but he wasn’t interested. He said he wants to talk to his doctor instead. I am encouraging of the idea but not getting my hopes up. I will remind him about it on Monday.
Either way, I don’t want to be in a relationship living with him as he’s abusive. So regardless… in my eyes he will still be abusive even without the drugs. I would just like him to be clean so he can be a parent in his child’s life and so that I can co-parent amicably with him.
I didn’t get my last bid and there was nothing suitable for me to bid on this time. I’m trying not to get down about it. I just want to move on and be free.
How are you all doing? So sorry that we all find ourselves here.