Hi mate, I hope you’re okay. I’m probably not qualified to go too far into this as it’s quite a different issue to what mine was but, that being said, I am a man, who through addiction, neglected my responsibilities as a partner and although I always worked and provided, that was probably because being at work enabled me to continue with my vice.
So… I hope you don’t mind but I’d probably start with a few questions that I hope you don’t mind me asking, to try maybe understand his behaviour.
Firstly, you say he gets high. What would be his poison? The term “getting high” would suggest to me he’s smoking weed but I could be wrong.
The “do anything to help our marriage” part. Suggests you’ve confronted him about his behaviour and made him aware you are unhappy? If so, how does he reply to that and how stern are you when telling him.
I’m sorry to make assumptions so please forgive me if I’m wrong.
He hasn’t worked full time and hasn’t for a while, but he has always had a roof over his head, been fed meals every day, and despite maybe a bit of stick from his Mrs. Still has his life around him (house, kids? Mrs).
Has there been anything significant that happend that you think may have triggered this when it started? As he sounds like a man who has given up on himself and life and is happy with his cycle of gaming, getting high and music because he can get away with it without too much consequence. I’m going to imagine you have held everything together mainly, bills, housework etc and if so, he could think that “well she’s taking care of everything okay” and excuse to himself his lack of input.
It sounds like he is comfortable with how things are and maybe a shock to the system would be helpful. For example, telling him you’re not happy and can’t continue the way it is and make it clear if it doesn’t change you will leave. If it doesn’t change, go stay with someone for a few weeks, have no contact and without you there he will realise everything you do for him and hopefully appreciate you more.
Stay strong and wish you well
James x