oh no debbie, what absolutely awful news! i am very, very sorry indeed.
i know that at the moment there will be almost nothing that can really console you – you are living my worst nightmare after all and i can imagine that you are in enormous pain right now ????
however… there are two things i would pick up on…
firstly, never forget how incredibly brave and courageous you are for setting a clear, fair and reasonable boundary… and sticking to it. i have set this same line here and if it is crossed it’s the end for us too. it’s my worst fear that keeps me on edge night and day.
secondly, whereas my husband had been actively using for 2.5 years, and always in secret knowing deep down he was doing something terrible.. your husband has had this habit for very many years and from what you’ve said has normalised the behaviour to the point where he sees no problem with it. that is one heck of a mindset to alter. maybe he found it harder than he expected. or maybe he didn’t really want to change at all.
when my husband first came out with it all i think he was just saying what he thought we wanted to hear, to get us off his back and then go back it.
there was a lot of contradictory rubbish coming out of his mouth for the first few weeks.
eventually the spell was broken for him at least.
anyway debbie, I’m so sorry for the developments and know this we’re all here for you and for the grace of God a few of us are spared your pain but many more are in your same horrible position.
massive hugs and i hope your family can support you in the gentlest and loving way while you come through hell xxx