Hi Georgia,
I’m so sorry you are back, I’ve been in a similar boat myself with my husband, thankfully he’s now over 2 years clean from alcohol and Coke, but he’s stopped before for months and started again.
My life now is so different to before, don’t get me wrong, I still avoid social events because I worry about alcohol being around, I think I have PTSD because of it, my anxiety is through the roof sometimes for no good reason really, something silly will trigger me off thinking hes back using, and I can’t think of anything else.
I’m assuming you are in your 20’s, I know you have a baby, but if I had my time again, I would not have put up with it for as long as I did. It destroys you as a person, i’m not me anymore. I dont do what I want anymore, because all I do is worry that if I’m not around for a night or 2 he’ll relapse.
Don’t get me wrong, life is good now, really good. But years and years of it being crap will take its toll on you mentally, and I wouldn’t wish it on my worst enemy.
I’m not about to tell you what to do, because I didnt listen to my friends! But I should have, you only have one life, and why should you be living like this because someone isn’t strong enough to sort out his priorities. And its not even about that, its about the person they become, liars, cheats, rude. You staying awake waiting for him to come home, but he doesnt, you are putting your life on hold while he does what he wants.
You wont be able to fix him, I know that now. It took my husband 20 years to have a lightbulb moment and stop (hopefully forever!) physically he had damage inside his nose, mentally he was a mess. He can see what its doing to other people now he’s not living it…
I hope you are ok, sending love x