Thanks for replying to me that’s really kind. I am 29 now, this has been a problem since we got together, then clean for 18 months now since November it’s on and off again.
You know absolutely everything you’ve explained how you felt and what you used to do was me and is me now, I’m a nervous wreck, I dread weddings, any social event as I know all his friends are Coke heads.. he is 37. I really thought he was over it but I’ve watched him deteriorate mentally and I knew this was coming, I’ve always known.. it’s like I have ptsd too, clock watching, worrying, analysing him, testing him for drugs, checking his car … all the while I am meant to be enjoying life, enjoying our child. I’m not me anymore I hate the person I have become because of this, he says I’m on his case and I don’t stop being negative about him but all he does is think about himself, he rarely spends any time with us, he is the victim.
I kicked him out last week after not coming home again, he’s not back and I’m so upset and do not know what to do. Deep down I know he will never ever change but it’s so sad as he’s perfect apart from his addictions. I just hope I’m strong enough to move on and go and get what I deserve.
I’m glad your husband is clean… but like you say, you still have anxiety and it’s in your subconscious mind isn’t it. I cannot stand it, I wish I could just enjoy myself at events and not dread any sort of fun because I’m worrying about him relapsing.
He lies so much… I’ve never realised how much until now. He says he can’t believe how selfish he is etc etc but it’s nothing I’ve not heard before. I’m bored of it to be honest.
Sending you so much love. I would not wish this on my worst enemy either and do you know what – I don’t even tell anyone about it because they don’t understand, so I’m glad I’m back on here too, as you all understand xxx