Hey man, hope you’re well.
Just like everyone else is saying, you coming here and being honest is a huge thing. I hope nothing I say sounds patronising as I have no right as a young lad to tell you want to do but honestly, regardless of age I fully know what you’re going through.
No one ever wakes up one morning and decides to become a coke addict, it creeps up on you and before you know it, youre doing things you never thought you was capable of, lying to the people you love and every single part of your life revolves around either doing Coke, or trying to hide the fact you’re doing Coke from the world.
I could go on all night about things but I know there’s nothing I could say that you don’t already know yourself.
What I do know from research and talking to people though is this.
You are not a bad person/man/husband/father. You are suffering from an illness that is cocaine addiction.
Cocaine addiction chemically rewires the way your brain works and makes decisions so those times you say you know you should but you still do. That’s the illness. It’s like someone else is in the driving seat and you can’t control your body.
If you’re like me, you’ll probably sit and imagine to yourself a life without it, and how good things would be if you just removed it from your life. But that seems so unachievable…
I promise you now bud that life is waiting for you and you can get there. The person who you are deep down is still there and you can get back to that person but the hard truth of it is that it won’t be easy and it takes time.
If everyone is aware of your use it’s a bit easier because getting clean is a hard thing to hide.
CA is single handedly the most valuable tool you can have when facing this. Another guy on here Danman would be better to talk to about CA specifically as I think he’s done alot more of it than i have but I have been to lots of meetings and it is nothing like you imagine.
You will be met with people who have been through what you have and even worst and everyone there wants nothing more than to help eachother. The people I’ve met through CA are some of the most genuine kind hearted people I have ever known.
Follow the steps, trust the process and I promise you that little by little you will find the tools you need to face this head on.
The way you have been able to provide for you family, work, and keep going for so many years even with your addiction shows that you are a strong man. Take that strength take every thing you have and throw yourself into recovery.
You deserve to be happy, you deserve the life you want free of this and no matter how hard it gets just know that you are stronger than this thing.
Probably not the best response I could have made mate but please reply and if you have any specific questions you want to ask me please do.
You got this man. A better life is around the corner for you.
Good luck
James x