Hi Georgia,
Reading your reply just brought it all back to me, I’m so sad that anyone has to go through the rollercoaster of life that is with a coke addict.
Everything from the clock watching, checking his car, looking in his pockets, testing him in secret, sitting up until god know what time waiting for him to come home, getting texts at 1am saying ‘I’m getting a taxi now’ never to turn up at home, then when they do come home you’re over reacting every time you make any reference to their absence, tip toeing around them when they’re sleeping most of the day, basically being a single parent but this pain thrown at you all the time, its such an awful existence.
My child aged 2, saw her dad throwing things around the house because he was convinced I was cheating, but in fact he was, with someone who did coke and accepted it, unlike me. He was obsessed, it was like he did actually believe his messed up thought process. It wasnt even like deflection, he actually thought it, and I would never have cheated, christ, I didnt have the energy and it was the last thing from my mind.
I’m not going to tell you to end it, but if I had my time again, I’d wouldn’t have stuck around. You only get one life darling, and YOU deserve to live it, and not just exist.
Take care of yourself xx