So sorry to read your post and that you feel so alone dealing with your husband’s addictive behaviour. I’m glad that you can talk to people on this forum If you would like any more support please contact us at Icarus Trust. We are a charity that offers support to people dealing with what you are going through. We have trained and experienced Family Friends and one of them would talk with you if you got in touch.
You can contact us on contact@icarustrust.org
All the best.