Hi! I’m glad you’re okay.
The dog walking is a good time to think while outside the house. I ‘think’ when I’m taking my child to their childcare several times a week.
Yes, I’ve had the same thought. Mine will either end up homeless/shacked up with someone else or in prison… unless he were to totally leave the area and go cold turkey (chances of that are slight as his means for leaving the area are zilch unless someone else helps him out).
So I spoke to him today as I’m away since the weekend visiting family for the last of the Easter break.
He sounded really good – said he’d been tidying up, was taking the meds for his MH that he should take (has form for not taking them when I’m not there) and was eating and drinking non-alcoholuc beverages etc (has form for ceasing to eat/drink when I’m not there waiting on him hand and foot)…
So I was happy about that and I said that to him… BUT… he then literally said that the only reason he’s been tidying up/eating/drinking and taking his meds is because he doesn’t have any money to get stuff.
So this is not real change to me. It’s just the result of a lack of opportunity and of course I just think that as soon as he has access to any funds he’ll be back at it.
I find it so disappointing to know this in my heart. As I said, it doesn’t really matter what I do. He’s on this path well and truly regardless of my presence.
And when I say there there is no money… there is literally currently no money. He spent ALL the bill money again… so I’m in dire straits until I get paid end of the month. In the meantime, I will have a tiny bit of cash to get me where I need to go. I have no means to pay for a couple of bills that are coming up. I realised when I’m at the property we share that I’m just totally depressed and I’ve kind of given up trying to pretend anymore… just want out and don’t want to be bothered with any of it.
The financial strain and stress on me is causing me so much anxiety. I lay awake at night worrying about it. My hands are tied until I can move and financially separate myself from him.
How are things with you today/tonight? x