Hi Debbie,
I posted a lot on this group last year and really appreciated all the advise from Faith and Ash. The sad news that I’m going to tell you is that recovery isn’t a given. This disease can be so toxic, it really does take over their brains. My now ex boyfriend was addicted to coke and alcohol. He admitted this to me last January and sought help with ca, aa and even attended a 3 month rehab, he managed to give up coke fairly successfully but he couldn’t stop drinking and lying about it. He used to be such a confident capable person, but addiction stole everything from him. He’s just a drunk now. I left him for the final time this January, even then he said he would get sober and win me back, but he hasn’t. All the love is still there, but it’s powerless against his addiction. I think he has had a lot of issues from his past thats always caused him anxiety and low self esteem and I think that’s what’s keeping him in addiction. I’m still grieving for the future that we had planned, but I have accepted that it’s never going to be possible. But I’ve told everyone that we know we’ve spilt up because of his drinking and you’d be surprised the amount of people that can relate to it, so definitely open up to your friends and family. Most days I can completely enjoy myself and I’m greatful I can do and go wherever I want, without the stress of worrying what he’s up to! It got so bad at the end I was tracking his location (with his consent) and he was still getting away with loads! That’s no life for anyone. So my advise is if he does come back with promises, tread carefully and look for a real commitment to some sort of therapy. I know most of his group from the 3 month rehab have managed to stay sober. So there can be hope, it’s just not a given even if they want to change unfortunately.