Hi Kire,
Firstly welcome, and secondly sorry you are here.
I’ve read your post, and the first thing that jumped out at me was the admission from him that he has a problem and that he wants to sort it. That is a massive step in the right direction. Lots of people end up on here with partners in denial, or running away rather than face the problem. So you are in a good position.
Now, my husband didnt use CA or anything, but I can see how that would help a lot of people. Lockdown helped in our situation, he changed his friendship group, he stopped drinking, he started seeing what life was like without being a slave to cocaine, getting it, hiding it, using it, recovering from it, it was a circle!
If he isnt the sort of person who will go to CA to seek help, then he needs to be honest with you, all out in the open, everything warts and all. You can help him by not keeping on about it, but by starting to see the real man come back. He will likely need to change friends, and start to spend more time at home. Keep him well fed with a good diet, sleep is important to recovery too. I did test my husband with his permission as he had nothing to hide every couple of days, it took about 2 weeks to get a negative test because he was using most days, so it had built up in his system.
I echo what Faith says though, this makes you a different person, I too am suffering with PTSD, anxiety etc. I dont really go out, actually, I do in the day, but nights I dont because thats when the problems were. Its a psychological disaster!
We are here to help however we can x