Debbie, I’m sat here now thinking back and I’m being reminded of all the pain I went through, which you are now going through, I feel so sad, angry, upset and annoyed that yet again, someone else, someone kind, someone good, is having to deal with this crap hand they;ve been dealt, all because of cocaine.
You spend all your time playing things over and over again in your head. You dont understand whats wrong with you, you blame yourself. Don’t… stop doing that, none of this is your fault! Its easy for me to say this now, but when you are where you are you can’t see a way out.
I know you love him, but you need to love yourself, and YOU deserve to be happy in your life.
Harsh as it sounds, he is having his cake and eating it. There is such a thing as co-dependency in relationships with addicts. There is a lady called Amanda something, who wrote a book about it, which I read and now can’t find. I’m going to look for it because it may make more sense of what you are feeling x