unfortunately if we could all say those magic words to break our addicts out of their stupors, we would…and a lot of addicts would beg us to say them.
there is probably nothing you can say or do to make him change, as change comes from within. it’s not you who has the problem… and from all accounts you sound like a very nice, successful lady who is being dragged down.
i can tell you this from my experience..firstly… no matter how hard i tried and the hoops id jump through to make my husband happy during his active addicts.. nothing… literally nothing.. made him happy. he’d just find some small thing to fire off about and then, as it turns out…sneak off and use.
secondly..being in this type of manipulative, dishonest and confusing relationship takes its toll on everything you think you are. self-esteem goes down the toilet.
thirdly… during the worst part of his addiction i became suicidal… and he still couldn’t care less… he used it as an excuse to use.
ash is right about the gaslighting they do xx