Hey Natasha
How are you doing? How’s things at home?
So I came back. He had the longest time clean – around somewhere between 9 and 11 days (not sure exactly when he stopped). He was hell to live with during this time… swinging between abusive/violent and lovely. Was being more present for our child than before and playing with them… but also so volatile.
He claimed he wanted to stop. He could have got on tick but didn’t. So I believed and supported him even though at times he has been so abusive to me. Anyway, I got paid today and had said I’d help him pay to go away visit some friends for a sporting event he wanted to go to… on the other side of the country this weekend. When the plans fell through because of travel issue with the bank holiday affecting the public transport he took the money I’d give him to go away and has now gone and spent that on cigarettes and drink (which I was okay with because quitting everything at once is challenging) and then on the sly he has literally just gone and got the white stuff.
I’m so upset. I’ve just been crying by myself. I’m so sad that I trusted him. I told him when I gave him the money that he was expressly not to use it for any drugs and that I didn’t even want to give him any money due to trust issues and such… and he has on the very same afternoon I said that… gone and done that and broken my trust.
I’m literally done.
No housing came up for bidding this week. I don’t see how I can live here with out child anymore when he cannot control himself at all. I just want to go now… I’m in such a state because he literally doesn’t care how he affects us at all. I’ve just gone through over a week of dealing with him coming off the drug only for him to go back to it.
He commented to me before that when he’d previously had active addiction before it was for 1 or 2 months at most and didn’t openly affect anyone else as he lived by himself… so he knows what he’s doing and he’s still choosing to do that to me and our child.