I am so sorry to hear this, this was me a few weeks back, no money to my name, struggling to pay bills and him losing yet another job! Luckily I joined Al-Anon in December and got myself to some more meetings and found huge comfort in there, that even though I genuinely have no idea what is going on in my hubby mind and life right now, I can focus on me. Its still horrible and tough and I have today made the decision to cancel yet another holiday because he’s spent all our money on cocaine! but stay strong, take every day as it comes and reach out for help, go to an Al Anon group if you can, speak to others who know what you are going through. i totally understand that you cant tell his family, because I am the same, the only people I speak to are people who understand.
You are not at all insane for loving him, he’s struggling too and he’s still the person you fell in love with despite everything. x