So I’ve had a couple of nights respite. Due back tomorrow. Feel so much better away from it.
I have reached the same point as Natasha regarding realising that nothing I do will make any difference. It’s kind of liberating. It’s all on him.
Mine behaves terribly when not using so there is a difference there… I feel guilty as even though I don’t want him using, I hate him off the drugs as he is so dangerous then. Reality is there is no money left so him actively continuing to use is completely unrealistic regardless of if he wants to or how I feel about it.
He has admitted to me that when I do leave he will really miss me…. he will be lonely and have regret. I’m at the point where it doesn’t matter if mine stopped using tomorrow… it wouldn’t undo what he’s done to me and our child so I’m definitely wanting to live in my own place regardless. I need to feel free, safe and peaceful. I don’t think I could ever trust him.
I’m not sure if this is strange or not but my one doesn’t try to hide his usage. It’s quite obvious to me. Even if he tried to, I can instantly tell – he has a totally different vibe, the way he holds his lips/mouth changes, he gets sweaty, he goes inwards, he starts requesting loads of things in a really annoying but not aggressive or loud way… his hands shake…