Hi mate, I hope you’re okay.
This topic is a really good one as I think it’s really common. Infact it’s exactly what I did.
At one point I was really bad, I lost my parents and I was using alot every day and it was plain to see.
I came clean, told my partner and told her I wanted to stop.
In truth, like your partner, I didnt actually stop. I just massively reduced. In my mind at the time, I felt some pride in how I had managed to reduce it alot due to the quality of life Improving just like you said. I wasnt missing work, wasn’t spending loads of money was spending alot more time at home and I think because my partner was so used to me being at my worst, she was fooled that this was me back to normal because the contrast was so easy to see.
I convio myself that this was okay because the key to any relationship is compromise right? But because if I told her o was still using but just a little it was just a comprise she didn’t need to know about and felt she should be happy with the changes I made.
The problem is though, you can’t just dip a toe. After a while the novelty of “the cut down” wore off. The new weekly planner I had in my head “right half a g on Monday then half a g Thursday then nothing at weekends” became okay just this week on Wednesday too, or oh I’m out for a curry Saturday night so I’ll have a quick half after the meal with some beers and before I knew it, I was back hiding money, doing it daily and being deceitful again.
It really is a case of, if you are an addict, and you want to stop, then it’s a clear line in the sand (excuse the terrible choice of saying haha)
Full stop no more, stop seeing friends who may influence you, stop drinking alcohol, find something you enjoy to keep you occupied, put measures in place to restrict your access to it ie your access to your money and ability to get it like deleting the numbers or telling the dealers your Mrs now knows they sell to you and if they answer to you again she will probably call police on them so it’s best they ignore your calls (works a treat that one believe it or not)
I give credit to your partner because he has made a big step and is clearing doing alot better, but you are right to worry that it will escalate because from experience it’s not a case of if it will, it’s when it will.
Speak to him, ask him to read this response. Maybe even show him this forum and myself and a few others like Dan can talk to him and maybe get him to explore the 12 steps.
Stay strong and hope you’re alright
James x