Hi Pamela
So my partner is an addict – coke to crack now. But… he co-erced me into using coke when we were first together. I’d never done any drugs in my life and was quite anti them. He (aggressively as he was drunk) insisted I try it when he first used it in front of me (much to my shock!). The first time I managed to turn him down but the second time, I gave in as I just wanted him to shut up and not feel threatened.
The thing is, of course it made me feel better/good as I have health issues that affect my brain and this was helping! So I found myself using it recreationally sometimes (not often or in vast quantities and never alone).
I don’t do it anymore and haven’t done for a long time. My child was a big factor in stopping… I got pregnant.
To be honest, I also didn’t like the side effects – the smell of it, not knowing what else was mixed with it, being unable to sleep and sometimes it would make me feel sick.
Unfortunately, my partner is still addicted and his addiction has worsened/increased. So I am now trying to move out as with it has come a lot of issues such as volatility, DV and him destroying the house due to paranoia. Also debt because we can’t afford his usage.
I have a mum friend who is addicted. She doesn’t realise it but she is… she uses daily in the week – only a bit – to help her get through the day and sometimes more in the evening and on weekends/parties etc. She has a lot of things to do and puts a lot of pressure on herself. So she uses it to cope and keep herself going. She thinks she’s controlling it… but the fact she needs it and uses so frequently makes me feel she’s addicted.
The problem is, her partner also has done it with her during their relationship… he was unaware she was using daily. He confronted her and she tried to quit. Recently she had a lot of stress and started again… then he found out. It seems as if he used it as an excuse to use with her and get more. So they were on it for 5 days… and they really don’t have the money to waste.
They are both enabling each other because they both like it… that’s the reality. They like how it makes them feel so they have that urge. Because they are both on it, there is no one saying no really, although my friend tries to limit it. I think it is part of a deeper issue – he already had issues with alcohol when he met her and she has always used recreational drugs, smoked and drank… she has issues from her childhood and I think having never dealt with them led her down this path a bit.
I think you can reach out anonymously for help via online (emails, forums) or telephone helplines. There are quite a number of alcohol and drug support services as well although I’m not sure a out how anonymous you could be using them.
There are online CA and NA meetings.
Does your partner/husband want to quit too?
xx