Hi crmmna, welcome to the forum and thank you for sharing your story.
It sounds to me that you recognise this addiction is taking control of your life and you want to stop.
If you scroll down to the heading Drugs, Alcohol and Mental Health- there’s a thread by Dadict. There are a few people in similar situations to yourself and they support each other.
I’m so glad that you have reached out for help. Narcotics Anonymous is a fellowship that could help you too.
Take care of yourself and stay strong.
Lx ❤️