Hey,
I am new here after just catching up on 53 pages. Relating to most things that have been said.
I learnt of my husbands drug addiction in Dec 2021 – in which he was distraught and promised he would not do it again as he did not have a problem. Fast forward 2 weeks after our wedding in March. My gut was telling me to check his banking app.. Payments to dealers right in front of me. I confronted him and he was so sorry and disgusted at himself again. We cleared the drug bills with some of the wedding money. He even brought the ‘friend’ to our new house and told him he was not losing all this and to take his money and not to contact him regarding drugs again.
Fastforward to 3 weeks ago when sH!t hit the fan. He got smarter. Lifting cash to make payments – I know this because he left his bank card and I took it and got a mini statement to see what was happening as I could only go through his phone when he was drunk as he is a light sleeper. I know I sound crazy but this is what it has made me. The man I love had changed, it has altered his personality to a paranoid, lying, shadow of man.
When I confronted him this time he is a completely different person – the anger in him. He just up and leaves. Telling me to leave and run because he will drag me down with him. I called my mum for an intervention. That went down like a led balloon. He left the house and refused to come back until she had left. He returned 4 hours later, snatching my phone to see who I had been texting and what I had said. This man I did not know. We have always had the fun/banter/easy going relationship. Yes some hard times over the 13 years but nothing ever like this. We rarely fight but since we have got married all we have had is issues which is now clear it is the drugs and not me like I had thought!
On Saturday a letter came through for a missed car payment – to which he said it’s been paid and gave a date it leaves his account which makes no sense because it was dated before the payment is due out. LIE again. I told him what I expected from him going forward. He has let me have access to his emails to sort out loans and overdraft and agreed to go on a DMP/IVA as he has said he is done and out of money to continue this and he wants his life back. I have got the ball rolling today on this. He has also agreed to move his salary into our joint account (which he has no access to) and move all his bills here. He has also agreed to change his number once his drug debt is paid and block and remove any numbers. He has also agreed to drug tests every 3 days.
He will not seek any help. The most he has done is ring his dr for anxiety meds as I said this may help with the stress at work which led to his addiction.
He is doing everything I ask but I can’t help feeling deflated and sad and waiting on the next suspicion to arise.
Any advice would be grateful!