Hi Riesena,
Your story sounds extremely similar to my story. I spent a full year waiting for him go get sober (from Jan 21 to Jan 22). Like your fiancee, he really wanted to stop, was trying to fight it a lot of the time, gave me all his cards etc. But no matter what me or him tried to put to in place to stop him he always found a way, mostly stated using and drinking in work. He also has a massive alcohol addiction that became even more problematic than coke. He became so good at lying and I just felt like a detective all the time and the stress of it was killing me.
Like you, I had fully expected to be planning a wedding and trying to get pregnant this year.. I’m 35 now so the thoughts of leaving him and trying to find someone else at this age terrified me so I think that’s why I made up so many excuses for him and fought for so long to save our relationship.
He even went to rehab for 3 months and we had a few weeks of complete bliss before he relapsed again. But by January this year, I realised that we were no further on than 12 months before, I couldn’t cope with the lies anymore and I felt that addiction had taken his whole lovely bubbly caring personality from him. All I was left with was a shell and then I realised that all the hopes for the future that I was clinging on to, I knew he wouldn’t be able to give me any of that now. So I suppose what I learned is that even if they do want to stop, sometimes the addiction is too strong and deep rooted, it isn’t possible for everyone. Maybe he will get sober at some point, but I don’t have the years that it might take to wait on him.
It was horrible for a long time after I left him, but I know now I 100% made the right decision now. I’ve enjoyed travelling again, with no worries about what’s going on at home. I’m enjoying tinder at the min and hopeful that I will meet someone to start a family with as I believe it was impossible to do that with my ex.