I understand.
I also can’t just leave. No one seems to be able to understand it except you. People in my life look at me like… why don’t you just leave – mainly because they know how controlling he is and how agressive he can be and they worry about me and our child.
I’ve waited years to get to the point where one day he said to me to leave and I called his bluff and said okay I’ll apply council… but if I do then I’m not going back on it. He said okay. I asked him several times knowing later he’d change his mind (as he likes to play mind games). He said to do it. I did it and then a few days later he changed his mind… But…
In his mind he thinks he’s won – as he is staying in the house and I don’t get to keep it. I have to go into a flat and start again etc. So to him it’s like I’ve lost and he’s happy about that.
I’m happy to go into a flat but I basically have had to wait years for him to allow me to leave and all because he thinks it’s him controlling it and he’s getting the better end of the stick.
He also wouldn’t let me take our child until now and that’s the main reason I have been stuck. I won’t leave without them. He sees them as a pawn. He makes so little effort with them and finds looking after them for more than an hour or two a strain… so it’s not like he genuinely would want them full time… he just wants to control and hurt me.
Mine does the running at me too. He is so unpredictable. He did it earlier because I lifted up something and I guess maybe he had put some tiny amount of powder on there and I didn’t know/see. He chases after me with whatever is to hand. I’m so used to it now that I’m quite good at dodging! It has left me with PTSD though… I jump and flinch at the slightest sound or if someone raises their arm etc.
It sounds as if the only way you could get away is if you could secretly find somewhere to live with your boys that’s not near where you currently live, change jobs and get a non molestation order/report him to police. I’m too scared to do the latter part… he is so vindictive and threatening.
It’s so sad to be stuck indefinitely in a living situation like that. You are very strong. Would he hurt your boys if you got away? Could they relocate and you go into a temporary accommodation or refuge while you found somewhere to live further away? xx