Hi Navy I hope you are okay.
I’m sorry you are going through this but I really respect that you express that you still love him etc.
I was the addict in my story so I’m able to kind of give the other side of the coin advice.
No one ever decides one day to become and addict. No one ever sets out to hurt their loved ones and when your husband tells you he loves you and you are his world I don’t doubt for a second that it’s the truth.
I loved my partner with every once of my being through my darkest days of addiction. Despite all the lies I told to her the things I did I honestly loved her as much as I ever did. It’s hard to understand for some people how addiction takes control of a person, you say and do things that in a sober state you would never dream of and you do them without a seconds thought. It really is like the addiction is in the driving seat. your body has been hijacked and you are not in control.
It’s important to understand that addiction is an illness. Alot of people in your position would take the view that an addict just doesn’t care about them because why would they lie and continue to take drugs but if it was that simple then addiction wouldn’t be a thing in this world. Some people get angry and see it as the addict being selfish. Thinking that they know how much it effects their financial position, their family life, work life but still as long as they get their fix that’s all they care about.
I’ll tell you, I spent hours off my face, in tears longing for a way to break free. A way to be the man I once was and the man my partner deserved but somehow I would still the very next day get on it again.
There is almost always a deep routed reason why someone turns to a substance in the first place.
I don’t mean just recreational every now and then with friends at the pub. That doesn’t need any more reason than it’s fun because honestly at the beginning it is the best thing in the world.
But to take it over that line where its using alone at home, using when you know you shouldn’t be. There is something that the cocaine or drugs is being used to help with. At the end of the day it’s a drug no different in many ways to a drug you would be prescribed.
For me cocaine made me emotionless. It blocked out the ability for me to feel emotions and when I lost my mum at the age of 27, and I was self employed and needed to literally just go back to work the next day, I started to use cocaine because I found myself breaking down at work unable to get anything done due to my greif. As soon as I took cocaine I was able to carry on as if nothing had every happend.
That took my use from every know and then with friends at the pub to every day.
Within a year of her passing my dad did and of course I already was using daily so I just cracked on as if I was okay. Deep down I was broken both emotionally and financially. My partner knew and just looked at it as disrespect to her. Thought it was me just wanting to take drugs to be a “lad” thought it was me being a low life. But as long as the bills where paid she was happy to a degree. That in turn led to a life of constant arguements and carrying already so much hurt I couldn’t stop using cocaine because if I did even for a few days the reality of life would hit so hard I wouldn’t be able to function.
I guess what I’m saying is, talk to him, but more importantly listen. Offer him understanding. And I hope that the man you love will come back to you.
On the flip side however. If he is not willing to change and despite your support gets further and further into addiction l. At some point you have to draw a line to safe guard yourself but please know this.
If someone has mental health issues. You don’t kick them to the curb. If someone has depression or anxiety or a ln eating disorder you don’t kick them to the curb so please don’t treat someone struggling with addiction that way.
Love is the cure for addiction.
Stay strong
James x