Hi hun
So Saturday wasn’t too bad as I got back mid afternoon and we ended up going to an event for an hour and then a street party in our street. So that kept us busy.
He used my money to get again. He owes me quite a lot and has now said he’s not going to work so goodness knows how or if I’ll get paid back. I’m so mad inside about this.
Anyway, he didn’t use until this morning as he was drunk and exhausted (had only slept 2 hours on the night I was gone). So he did go to sleep and slept quite well. He wakes up today and uses… thought he’d be okay today because of that but he was awful!!!
He spent all day ranting at me about how awful I am… from… I cause him so much stress, which is apparently why he uses and smokes so much, through to he can’t trust me as I’m a bad mum, which is why he has quit jobs so he can monitor me… as well as apparently never making his phone calls or doing his admin as I stress him out so much he is always recovering from it apparently… he was just going on all day and evening.
Nevermind that he’s always high or on a come down and that’s why he never makes his calls and can’t hold down work.
Apparently I had also ruined his high so in his mind he equates taking the drugs as de-stressing from me so then if I ruin the high then I’ve doubly stressed him. But the thing is, me just existing and breathing is apparently enough to ruin his high so while I live here, I’m not really sure how to avoid this happening!
Tbh, I’m so used to his ranting on that part of me doesn’t even register half of it but today I did find it quite hard to bear. It’s just the constant and endless nature of it. It makes me anxious. He also was being aggressive on and off… I felt very on edge trying to anticipate what’s coming next. I could literally not do one thing right.
I’m fed up I guess. Fed up of trying to make things a tiny bit okay for our child while I wait to get out. There was nothing for me to bid on this week, so that hasn’t helped my mood either as it means yet more waiting.
How was your day? I hope work went well and was peaceful for you.