Hi Ash,
It’s so easy to feel alone – if you read the other threads you’ll find that’s all too common for anyone who’s partnered up with an addict. So you’re far from alone.
I have the same worries every time my boyfriend is out. Especially around payday. I totally get where you’re coming from. Vaping in and of itself isn’t so bad, but the fact he’s doing it behind your back is. Even then, I’m far more worried about the drinking. Maybe it’s a reaction to the withdrawal from coke, but it sounds more like he’s replaced one addiction with another.
I’m not sure I can tell you anything that will magically give you a sense of trust and security. What I can advise is that you set boundaries between you and his problematic behaviours – the heavy drinking, the day drinking, etc. Just so you’re not feeling the guilt that you’ve enabled it or let it happen. At the end of the day, though, he’s only going to change because he wants to for him – it never really works out when they change for someone else.