I’m so sorry for the loss of your parents and that you feel so alone dealing with this.
You are not alone. There are so many of us in similar circumstances.
I feel much the same. I’m going mad not knowing what to do or where to turn. I desperately want to get out and leave… but I can’t until I’m rehoused – unless I declare myself homeless. I have a young child so this option is scary and I don’t think the addict (also their parent) would agree to it.
Like you said… I feel so lonely, sad and anxious. He is not there for me and won’t properly chat or engage. He blames me for his addiction (even though it turns out he had exactly the same addiction years ago before he met me and I knew nothing about it).
I cannot tell anyone the full extent of what’s going on. People know bits here and there. It’s such a burden. I haven’t told any of my family… they only know he has bad mental health issues and is incredibly volatile.
In your position I would try to find a job. Is that something you could do? I think it helps to proactively do something that’s you taking control of your life as so much of our lives are taken out of our hands.
At least that way you can have your own money, independence and if you wish to live on your own you can work towards that.
Also seek out as much support for yourself as you can.