Hi mate,
Hope you’re okay.
You’re in a real tight stop man aren’t you.
Ill start with letting you know that in my story I was the addict. The reason I post and reply to people like yourself on here is to hopefully equipt people with the knowledge I have from being a full blown cocaine addict who struggled to try hold together a relationship and normal life etc so that you can help your partner’s get sober and back to the people you love.
I’ll start with the assumption that this isn’t something new. Obviously I can’t tell you for sure but chances are her addiction has been present at some level for the entire time.
Because she has always managed to mostly keep it from you and still function, have a decent job, make money, function and keep it from you. Over the years her brain has been wired to tell herself there’s nothing wrong with what she is doing. She’s not a down and out right? So she thinks whats the problem. This is because she isn’t thinking straight.
Cocaine addiction has many harmful traits but one of the worst is how it alienates a person. Rewires their brain, makes them do and say thing they would never dream of. I bet the person your partner is deep down would never dream of doing a nose Infront of her kid but those rational moral things completely go out of the window when the addiction takes over.
I always say that there’s 2 parts to the addiction. The part that is that the person just genuinely enjoys the effect of the drug. I’d be lying if I said I didn’t absolutely love how cocaine made me feel (at times) but then there is the side that is the darker more innocent side. This side is the side that where a good person who never set out to be an addict or who never realised the carnage and destruction that this stuff will bring but unknowingly is slipping further and further into addiction.
Not always but in most cases, when a person takes recriational use over the line to addiction it is because there is a pain that the person is using the substance to mask.
I know it’s easy to say but speak to her, ask her honestly why she uses, hlnot just because it’s okay and she wants to but really why. Tell her that you will support her and make sure you do but let her know that if she doesn’t change then she will lose you and her family. Right now she hasn’t lost anything because of it. You may get mad but you eventually forgive her. There needs to be clear boundaries that if she doesn’t at least try to stop and get help then you will not keep allowing her to act this way.
I would be certain to promise you she already is wanting to stop. The amount of energy it takes daily to hide something like this is exhausting.
But through fear of what will happen when coming clean it is easier just to carry on and just get by day by day.
She’s lucky to have you mate you clearly love her.
Be strong and try your best to understand she is not a bad person, she is suffering from an illness.
Always here if you want to talk or ask me anything.
Take care.
James x