Hi Kezz, welcome to the forum and thank you for sharing your story.
I’m so sorry to read that you have lost family members through addiction and suicide.
Do you have anyone close to talk to that aren’t using?
My son is almost 30, he has alcohol and cocaine addictions, the alcohol triggers the need for cocaine. He had been experimenting with different substances since age 14.
It was a living nightmare living with him. He also has an addictive personality. Gambling, sex, alcohol, cocaine- whatever he does- he does it 100%.
I think he has ocd.
It came to a head 2 yrs ago, he was about to lose everything. Job, flat, car his family- he reached out for help.
He attended AA and CA groups and through the help from these guy, he got himself clean. He had a couple of relapses on the way- but he is currently 1 year clean!
I wanted you to know, that people care, there IS help out there- but you need strength and determination to get you through it. Read Danman83 and Jamesb posts here, they are guys in recovery offering support and advice.
Keep posting and let us know how you’re doing- you have already taken the first step in admitting that addiction is taking over your life.
Stay strong my friend ❤️
Lx