Hi Navy, I’m so sorry I just realised reading through the thread that you asked me some questions a while back but I must have missed the post so I never got back to you.
I’m so sorry you’re having such a hard time, no one deserves this and I know my first initial response to you was mainly giving you information to try better understand what your husband is dealing with with his addiction but it in no way excuses any partner treating their other in a bad way.
To reply to your current situation, him bring angry at you all the time and going in other rooms etc.
You to him (well his addiction) right now are literally an obstacle, you’re in the way. Imagine he has a little voice in his head that is the addiction. That voice doesn’t like you. It tells him to avoid you because he cant use Infront of you. You want him to stop you are not okay with it. That voice (the addiction) in order to survive needs him to believe that h using cocaine isn’t the problem, everything and everyone else is the problem. I know this because I used to do the exact same thing.
He will snap and tell you he needs someone to love him but in reality giving him affection and love right now will be near impossible because all he wants to do is be alone with his little voice and get on it. Even though deep down the real him knows that you aren’t the problem and that he is the one in the wrong his addiction wires his brain to genuinely believe that you are bad.
This isn’t just you though, like you said he thinks everyone wants setting from him and he gets all the shit from work. This is because as an addict he will always play the victim, that’s a coping mechanism to bridge the 2 parts of him the decent part or the guy he was and the addicted side. Without that, when he wakes up the next day and he is back to feeling himself, he would be overridden with guilt for all the bad things he says and does due to his addiction so the outcome is that he feels a victim, he tells himself he’s the good guy and everyone wants from him. He tells himself the greif of losing his dad is why he gets on it. ( I did the exact same for years when losing my parents but the truth is after a while I want greiving, I was just an addict).
The bottom line is right now he is in full frontal denial.
Now the advice I would give is this…
Out right confrontation may be a bad idea because he may become angry ect and blame you. But you need to make him aware you know and that you will not tolerate this forever.
If you have a place you can stay, a friend or family’s place.
Write him a letter. Write it in a way that tells him that you know everything he is doing. Tell him how it makes you feel. Tell him that you miss the old him that you so very loved and tell him that you want that man back or you will have to leave.
Give him the option, if he works through it and gets back to the man he was and is clean you will love and support him but if he doesn’t then you have no intention of staying with the man he becomes.
Go stay with a friend and have no contact for a few days (tell him in the letter when you will be back)
Let him sit and really think to himself what he wants and I hope that this will open his eyes to just how bad it has gotten.
If however he chooses to blame you and continue acting the way he is then as hard as it is you need to protect your happiness and move on with your own life. You don’t deserve to live in misery or fear.
I hope that makes sense and I know that you must feel so alone right now but all of us on here are always going to be here for support.
Stay strong and I hope you’re okay
James x